I Woke Up One Morning (BBC) 1985-1986

I Woke Up One Morning

When Carla Lane puts pen to paper and writes a sitcom, you can be assured that...
(A) It won't be very funny!
(B) It will be repetitive.
(C) It will include her fucking stupid views on animal rights, and vegetarianism!
Basically she could write a series about a man who talks to ducks and the dopey liberals at the BBC would buy into it!
The series, which was stretched out into 2 seasons, centres on four pissheads who are sent to a psychiatric hospital to dry out (the series was filmed at Hellingly Hospital in Sussex).
Carla employs her usual favourite's from previous sitcoms to play the leads, including Robert Gillespie as Zero, Michael Angelis as Max (playing his same-as-always deadpan philosophical type) and Jean (Ma Boswell) Boht. The other 2 dipso's are called Danny and Derek.
There isn't much you can say about either series, they were both exactly the same! Episode 1, the drunks get dropped off at the hospital, Episodes 2-5 they all talk about their lives, wives, kids and being drunks! Episode 6 They all get pissed!...and that is the format of both seasons!
Although it is supposed to be a comedy, I never laughed ONCE, however I did find it amusing  as my dad was an annoying drunk and I could relate to some of the bullshit that the characters spoke!

Rentaghost (BBC 1) 1976-1984

Rentaghost

Rentaghost was childrens TV at its very best, it was camp, anarchic and totally stupid!
I was there when the first episode was broadcast on the 1st June 1976, and 8 years later to tune into the final show!
I was really into ghosts about that time and after watching the first show I went out and purchased the Rentaghost book by Bob Block. I idolised the characters and never missed one episode!
The first show introduces Fred Mumford, a slightly porky middle aged loser, recently deceased, who has decided to start an agency for ghosts who were also failures in life. His first signing is a medieval jester called Timothy Claypole (who is wonderfully played by the incredibly gay Michael Staniforth) and shortly afterwards a priggish Victorian ghost, Hubert Davenport (Michael Darbyshire). Mumford and the ghosts operate from an office which is owned by Harold Meeker (who ends up in hospital in episode 3 after he discovers his tenants are ghosts!)
The first series is slapstick based comedy, which looks quite dated to 21st century eyes, but this method was phased out in subsequent seasons and replaced by farce.
Season 1 also features Ethel Meeker, Harold's loopy wife, and Fred's parents who persistently cold call the office seeking him, (unaware that he is dead).
Elderly Scottish spook Hazel the McWitch,  and entrepreneur Adam Painting (Christopher Biggins) make their debut in season 4, and Dobbin, the pantomime horse joins the cast in the Rentasanta Christmas special of December 1978, after being brought to life by Claypole's spell.
Before the fifth season began shooting, Michael Darbyshire, who played Davenport, died, and Anthony Jackson (Fred Mumford) declined to return. This left Michael Staniforth (Claypole) as the only original ghost. I remember being pretty upset about this at the time!
The later episodes were set in the Meeker household after Claypole, Dobbin, McWitch, Nadia Popov, and a collection of other spooks move in and create weekly havoc, much to the annoyance of Arthur and Rose Perkins, the Meeker's, long suffering next door neighbours!
The 1982 Christmas special saw the ghosts act out a pantomime in which Ethel Meeker sings 'Tangerine' while a roller disco takes place around her! This episode is also my personal favorite!
The final episodes introduce Whatsisname Smith (Kenneth Connor), Susie Starlight, Rover the tortoise and Jeremy (a robotic cleaning machine).
Tragically all of the original cast are now ghosts themselves, Davenport, Mumford, Harold Meeker and Claypole, have all joined the spirit world for real! Davenport (Michael Darbyshire) died in 1979, Michael Staniforth who played Claypole died of AIDS in 1987 and Anthony Jackson (Mumford) died in 2006. I remember meeting Jackson at Eastbourne station a couple of weeks before he died, I told him that I was a big fan of the show, but accidentally addressed him as  Mr Meeker!, he quickly corrected me by replying in a hushed voice "I was Mumford actually", He looked a bit hurt to be remembered from Rentaghost (no doubt bitterness must of crept into his thoughts for resigning from the show and missing out on 5 years guaranteed work!) As I watched him shuffle (rather dejectedly) onto the 1431 to Victoria, I felt a sadness that the show would never come back!
Rentaghost did return in 2006 as an unsuccessful stage production, without any of the original cast (obviously!) and written by that talentless cunt, Joe Pasquale!
There are also plans to make a Hollywood movie version starring Ben Stiller, but this would be a disaster..as we all know what happens when the Yanks get their hands on something good!
I'm afraid most of us who remember the series would never settle for anything less than the original cast, and as 80% of them are now dead, we can forget it!
Season 1 is available on DVD, but many of the other episodes were destroyed by the BBC (who also famously did the same with many historic Dr Who episodes!)

The Cast

• Timothy Claypole (Michael Staniforth)  (1976-1984) *
• Harold Meaker (Edward Brayshaw)  (1976-1984) *
• Ethel Meaker (Ann Emery)  (1976-1984)
• Fred Mumford (Anthony Jackson)  (1976–1978) *
• Hubert Davenport (Michael Darbyshire) (1976–1978) *
• Hazel the McWitch (Molly Weir)  (1978–1984) *
• Nadia Popov (Sue Nicholls)  (1981–1984)
• Adam Painting (Christopher Biggins)  (1977-1983)
• Rose Perkins (Hal Dyer)  (1978–1984) *
• Arthur Perkins (Jeffrey Segal)  (1978–1984)
• Tamara Novek (Lynda La Plante)  (1980) 
• Dobbin the Pantomime Horse (William Perrie, John Asquith) 
• Mrs Mumford (Betty Alberge)  (1976–1978) *
• Mr Mumford (John Dawson)  (1976–1978)
• Whatsisname Smith (Kenneth Connor)  (1983-1984) *
• Susie Starlight (Aimi MacDonald) (1984)

* These actors are now real GHOSTS!

Barriers (ITV - Tyne Tees) (1981-82)

Barriers

Rather a downbeat kind of series, I remember it being shown on a Sunday afternoon about 4pm (ish), this is probably why no one remembers it!
The series starts with solicitor Vince Whitaker (Paul Rogers), informing public schoolboy, Billy Stanyon (Benedict Taylor) of the death of his parents in a sailing accident. This incident leads to the revelation that Billy was adopted. Whitaker tries to help Billy locate his real parents and they set out on a journey to solve the mystery. After following a trail of false starts, dead ends and cryptic clues that takes them across Europe, Billy eventually finds out his real parents were killed in a border skirmish on the Austrian / Hungarian border in 1963. He also establishes the identity of the man who drove the car in which they died, Konrad Spetz. Spetz admits the true story to Billy who ends up feeling that the man is the closest link to his real family and although he hates him, also wants to remain close and spend more time with him. Spetz is wanted by police for a string of deceptions and crimes, including murder. Spetz tries to escape as the net closes and Billy follows pleading with Spetz to stay, but he will not listen and accidentally falls to his death on the Alps, as Billy desperately tries to hold his arm . Billy meets Whitaker at the base of the mountain, dejected, and declares "It's over, it's all over".

Spetz admits everything to Billy

After viewing, you can't help but wonder how a pissy regional network like Tyne Tees managed to come up with such a deep, meaningful and well acted series. I have never seen it repeated since the original broadcasts, which is a shame, as it was intended as a family show (albeit a rather gloomy one!). The quality of the filming leaves much to be desired, an unforgivable crime, because many of the locations are quite breathtaking, but I suppose Tyne Tees had exhausted their budget on  the A-list cast, who included Michael Gough, Laurence Naismith, Siân Phillips, Patricia Lawrence, Nicholas Courtney & Robert Addie.
Barriers was broadcast as 2 series in 1981-1982

Survivors (BBC 1) 1975-1977

Survivors
(BBC 1, 1975-1977)

I guess this series is almost forgotten, it hit our screens when I was at the tender age of 8, so I didn't get to see the episodes first time round. I did check them out on cable in the 90's and was blown out with this apocalyptic tale of survival in a post plague world (...well England anyway!).
It all starts ...as the opening credits show, with a Chinaman dropping a test tube (presumably holding the deadly plague) and then dropping dead at an airport after we are shown a bunch of immigration stamps for major world cities, finishing with London on September 23rd!
After this we are introduced to our main players one by one, Abby Grant (posh, bossy, 70's woman), Jenny Richards (powdered fanny, needy type), Greg Preston (Pilot and alpha male) and Tom Price (bum & dirty old man...on screen and off apparently!). We are shown each survivor's story from the moment the plague takes hold, and the rapid realization that they must find help.
After a couple of episodes, the four leads end up relying on each other to survive and eventually set up a commune in a large house, Greg and Jenny by now having started a relationship. Others join week by week, including 2 very annoying kids (who never die...even though you REALLY want them to!), a half wit called Barney, a sexy girl called Wendy and her VERY irritating foreign mother figure, Emma Cohen, a grumpy cripple called Vic Thatcher, a wandering hippy, Tom Price and finally a posh bloke Arthur Russell and his secretary Charmian. The first series was written by Terry Nation (of  'Blake 7' fame) and his skills really shine through during these first gripping 13 installments. The characters are also very likeable and easy to warm to, which is why it is distressing when some have to die. One of the most powerful episodes is 'Law and Order' in which Tom rapes and murders Wendy after a drunken party, but Barney is the chief suspect and is shot by Greg after a trial. Tom is exposed by Abby, but Greg decides to keep it quiet from the others. 'Gone To The Angels' is another moving episode. When Abby goes to see three holy men on a mountain in a search for some meaning, all contract the killer virus from her and die. This is a strange installment as it deals with the religious side of the disaster and leaves Abby and the viewer feeling empty and hopeless!

The trial from Law and Order.

Other stand out episodes of this series include the distracting 'Garlands War', in which Abby finds love with the hansome aristocratic warrior Jimmy Garland, 'Revenge' where the interesting, but under explored character, Vic Thatcher meets up with his posh girlfriend Anne, after she left him for dead in episode 2, and 'A Beginning' which ends the series with the introduction of Ruth Anderson (a key player in series 2), and the possibility of trade between the local communities.
The only disappointment with the conclusion of series one, is the failure of the sinister 'Government Forces' to attack or even materialize, after continued warnings of their encroaching presence in the area since episode 3! (This could be explained by the departure of Terry Nation as writer at the end of the first series).
Series two, starts with a real shock for regular viewers, as half of the cast are culled in a fire which destroys the house. Sadly, Vic Thatcher, and not so sadly, Charmian, Donny, Emma and Laura (plus baby) perish. The survivors now end up staying with Charles Vaughan (who played a kind of David Koresh type in an early episode). Charles is now given a more stable setting with his new partner, Pet, and the new community is led by Greg as engineer, and Charles as farmer. Abby is sadly not present in this series her absence is explained by her long drawn out (and tiresome) search for her son (in reality, Carolyn Seymour who played the part, left the series due to an out of control cocaine habit!).
The second series lacks the punch of the first and it feels like a post plague Emmerdale Farm. The new characters, Ruth, Charles, Jack and Hubert take up the slack, but the absence of Abby is a great void in the remainder of the series. Sad losses during this series include regulars, Arthur Russell and Paul Pitman, who both succumb to disease. Other highlights include a 2 part episode 'The Lights of London', where Dr Ruth is tricked into journeying into the rat infested capital to help the 500 inhabitants overcome a deadly virus. 'New Arrivals' see's Charles's authority challenged by a new kid on the block and 'Parasites' deals with a couple of criminals arriving by barge to upset the peace!
The series ends with Greg taking off in a balloon going to Norway to find ways of harnessing electricity. This is another blow for the viewer as Greg has been a foundation stone throughout the series, and although he does return in the next series it is only for a couple of adventures, before he eventually dies of smallpox in 'The Last Laugh'.
Series three seems to loose all cohesion with the community spirit that had characterized the previous series and feels more like a bunch of isolated quests, which lead up to the final episode, where Charles, Hubert and Jenny head to Scotland to switch on a generator which will bring power and industry to England again!
In all, the series is very intelligently written, and although the main characters are all middle class (and the dodgy, dishonest, stupid and criminal, are all working class!), there is a reality about this future, and that is that the class system will still exist even when humanity is almost extinct. This vision persists throughout the series, but that doesn't detract from the overall feel as the plots are at worst, mildly entertaining, but at best gripping and thought provoking.
A 2008 remake of the series did not hit the mark with the public, but the original is still worth getting hold of, and locking yourself away all weekend to watch!

Abby & Greg

  Series One

1. The Fourth Horseman *****
2. Genesis ****
3. Gone Away *****
4. Corn Dolly ****
5. Gone to the Angels ****
6. Garland's War ****
7. Starvation ***
8. Spoil of War ****
9. Law and Order *****
10. The Future Hour ***
11. Revenge *****
12. Something of Value ****
13. A Beginning *****

 
  Series Two

1. Birth of A Hope ****
2. Greater Love *****
3. Lights of London Part 1 ****
4. Lights of London Part 2 *****
5. Face of the Tiger ***
6. The Witch ***
7. A Friend In Need ***
8. By Bread Alone ***
9. The Chosen ****
10. Parasites *****
11. New Arrivals ***
12. Over The Hills
13. New World ***

     
Series Three

1. Manhunt ***
2. A Little Learning ***
3. Law of the Jungle ***
4. Mad Dog ****
5. Bridgehead ***
6. Reunion ****
7. The Peacemaker ***
8. Sparks ***
9. The Enemy ***
10. The Last Laugh ****
11. Long Live The King ****
12. Power  ***

**        A bit boring
***      Average
****     Good
*****    Exellent

Cast Members

• Abby Grant (Carolyn Seymour)  (13 episodes, 1975)
• Greg Preston  (Ian McCulloch)  (26 episodes, 1975-1977) **
• Jenny Richards (Lucy Fleming)  (32 episodes, 1975-1977)
• Tom Price (Talfryn Thomas)  (7 episodes, 1975) **
• Arthur Wormley (George Baker)    (1 episode, 1975)
• Vic Thatcher (Terry Scully / Hugh Walters / Terry Denton)  (7 episodes, 1975) *
• Anne Tranter (Myra Frances) (2 episodes, 1975)
• Charles Vaughan (Denis Lill)  (24 episodes, 1975-1977)
• Emma Cohen (Hana Maria Pravda)  (7 episodes, 1975) *
• Wendy (Julie Neubert)  (3 episodes, 1975) **
• Barney (John Hallet) (3 episodes, 1975) **
• Paul Pitman (Chris Tranchell)  (8 episodes, 1975-1976) **
• Arthur Russell (Michael Gover)   (12 episodes, 1975-1976) **
• Charmian Wentworth (Eileen Helsby)  (6 episodes, 1975) *
• Jimmy Garland   (Richard Heffer)  (2 episodes, 1975)
• John Millon (Stephen Dudley)  (22 episodes, 1975-1977)
• Lizzie Willoughby (Tanya Ronder / Angie Stevens)  (19 episodes, 1975-1977)
• Sam Mead  (Robert Gillespie)  (4 episodes, 1975-1977) **
• Donny  (Robert Tayman)  (1 episode, 1975) *
• Ruth Anderson  (Annie Irving / Celia Gregory) (12 episodes, 1975-1976)
• Pet Simpson (Lorna Lewis)  (15 episodes, 1976-1977)
• Hubert Goss  (John Abineri) (17 episodes, 1976-1977)
• Jack Wood  (Gordon Salkilld)  (9 episodes, 1976-1977)
• Alan  (Stephen Tate) (4 episodes, 1976)
• Mina  (Delia Paton)  (2 episodes, 1976)
• Lewis Fearn  (Roy Herrick)  (2 episodes, 1976) **
• Agnes Carlsson  (Anna Pitt) (5 episodes, 1977)
• Alec Campbell  (William Dysart)  (4 episodes, 1977)
• Frank Garner (Edward Underdown)  (3 episodes, 1977) **

*   Died in the fire in 'Birth of a Hope' Series 2, Episode 1
** Murdered or died horribly in Series 1
** Murdered or died horribly in Series 2 or 3

The Famous Five (1978) Southern (ITV)

"We are the famous five, Julie, Dick and Anne, George and Timmy the dog!

What a series!! ............well, it was okay I suppose if you liked your favourite middle class twats in 1970s flared trousers!
The series has a soft spot for me, because I was in the fan club, and I also had a big 11 year old crush on the girl playing Anne (well I didn't have much choice within that group really!)......In fact my first girlfriend..at the rather late age of 16...was an Anne lookalike called Natalia, who was a posh bit of skirt from the knob end part of town.
The Famous Five was pretty good in its day and was incredibly popular on the International market, being sold to over 17 countries. My big problem with it was the night scenes, which were filmed using a blue screen, which made everything incredibly difficult to see, so much so, that I generally closed my eyes to get a better feel of what the hell was happening!
There were plenty of household names during its 2 series run from 1978-79, such as  Patrick Troughton, Cyril Luckham, Brenda Cowling, Geoffrey Bayldon, Brian Glover, Ronald Fraser and an early appearance by Rupert Graves. The plots were taken straight from the Enid Blyton books, but as mentioned earlier, with a 70s feel.. In the mid 1990s a new Famous Five series was commissioned, which I tried to watch, and although the production was far better, I personally couldn't stand the programme due to that fucking whore, Jemima Rooper playing the part of George!

Tarzan (1932-1948) MGM / RKO (ITV & BBC)

A Tarzan poster from 1934

1. Tarzan the Ape Man (1932)
2. Tarzan and His Mate (1934)
3. Tarzan Escapes (1936)
4. Tarzan Finds a Son! (1939)
5. Tarzan's Secret Treasure (1941)
6. Tarzan's New York Adventure (1942)
7. Tarzan Triumphs (1943)
8. Tarzan’s Desert Mystery (1943)
9. Tarzan and the Amazons (1945)
10. Tarzan and the Leopard Woman (1946)
11. Tarzan and the Huntress (1947)
12. Tarzan and the Mermaids (1948)

All of us forty somethings, will fondly remember those summer holiday breaks from school, at a time when no fucker actually went on holiday - No, we just sat around the house watching early morning TV. What did we love to watch the most?......Simples! - It was TARZAN!
But lets clear up any confusion here, it wasn't just any Tarzan, oh no! We were very particular, we said NO! to Ron Ely's 1960's Tarzan, with irritating sidekick 'Jai', and we voted with our feet when Lex Barker's Tarzan made and appearance. There was only ONE Tarzan for us, and that was Johnny (Aaaaaaaaaaaaah-ahhhhh-aaaaah-aaaahhhh!) Weissmuller! He was the ONLY Tarzan we would accept....I repeat, the ONLY! (and you can't kid the kids! - unless you are Jonathan King, Gary Glitter or Jimmy Savile!)
Weissmuller was an Olympic swimmer of German origin, who first took on the mantle of our favourite loin cloth wearing, vine swinging, elephant calling, crocodile fighting hero back in 1932, in Tarzan, The Ape Man. This film was a smash when it was released and launched an MGM (later RKO) franchise, which would feature the swimming star in a total of 12 films. Part of the charm of these films was the inclusion Tarzan's loyal (and lovely!) jungle partner, Jane (beautifully played by Maureen O'Sullivan in the first 6 films). This addition made the series appeal not only to my younger sister (who loved the jungle tree house) but also to my dad (no doubt admiring Jane's semi-naked swimming antics!). Cheeta, Tarzan's face-pulling chimp, was also a fantastic character who brought extra magic to the eccentric domesticity of the films. By the third film, Tarzan Finds A Son, 'Boy' entered the equation after his parents perish in a jungle plane crash. Tarzan and Jane adopt Boy, and his participation in the series usually involved Tarzan helping the over-curious minor out of various sticky situations.
When I first started watching the films back in the mid 70's, all 12 would be shown on a Monday to Friday schedule over 3 weeks (followed by the dire, Lex Barker films), but by the early 1980's only the final 9 were screened. 1982 was the start of the Tarzan backlash, the first 3 films were deemed too violent and too sexual for kids during this summer holiday. (It should be mentioned that most of the Tarzan books were written as sexual titillation, for teenage boys by Edgar Rice Burroughs). But this wasn't the end of it, there were now voices questioning what Tarzan represented. Suggesting the Weissmuller portrayal of Tarzan - King of The Jungle, is white supremacist. The depiction of black characters in the films were also seen as derogatory and offensive (Blacks were usually portrayed negatively, from cannibalistic bloodthirsty natives, to cowardly porters working for white hunters). This criticism is unfair, as film makers during this time only catered for the target audience, and the audiences were white! They are not deliberately offensive and by the time RKO took over the franchise in 1943, the black characters were replaced by Sub-Saharan white tribes! But even these later, less offensive Tarzan films were dropped by both ITV and the BBC by 1985. It was the end of an era. I was in the world of the working by this time, but I was painfully aware that familiar things were changing. The mid 80's were a time of contrasts, there was some good stuff  happening and some bad, but the loss of the Tarzan films from the summer holiday playlist was a tragic sign of the times!

Cheeta, Boy, Jane & Tarzan

The films have to be broken into 2 distinct groups, the MGM films and the RKO films. The MGM films were made with a higher budget for an older audience, and most follow a storyline which involves Jane's friends visiting, and later getting captured by savage tribes while looking for 'The Elephants Graveyard' or trying to kidnap Tarzan or Boy. The films then end with Tarzan gathering his elephant friends to stampede the hostile native village, evict the humiliated white hunters and return the status quo.
The RKO films were made with a lower budget and are aimed more at a younger audience, there are no more black natives and the adventures are set in more exotic locations. These films don't feature Jane (this absence is usually explained by her 'raising funds for the war effort' - America having now entered the war!)
Tarzan is much fatter in the later RKO films and this led to his being replaced by Lex Barker, after Tarzan & The Mermaids in 1948.
All the Tarzan films are a joy to watch, they contain all the essential ingredients needed to keep children of all ages entertained. They have great plots, comedy, tension, lots of action and appeal to all ages and genders. The 12 films cover a number of crazy adventures, including Tarzan's Crocodile Dundee type trip to New York, to rescue Boy, battling the Nazi's, in Tarzan Triumphs, defeating sacrificial sects in Tarzan and The Leopard Woman and fighting a giant spider in Tarzan's Desert Adventure. The early films are gripping and fast paced, whilst the later films are great examples of escapist fantasy. I love the Tarzan films, and although you can buy the entire collection in a lavish DVD / Blu-ray box set, I feel sad that kids today don't have that unity which we experienced in the 70's and 80's, courtesy of having only 3 TV channels.

The Coral Island (1983) Thames / ABC ( ITV)

Peterkin and Jack

The Coral Island was written by R. M. Ballantyne in 1858, and remained a popular boys adventure story for almost a century. However by the 1960's, some of the books values had become dated, its Imperialistic and Christian messages having no place in the post Suez world. So when Thames TV and the Australian Broadcasting Corporation decided to make a kids TV mini series based on the story, in 1983, it may have struck some as an unwelcome throwback to the days of Empire. But this was not quite the case. It's easy for us sitting here in 2014 to mock, but things were very different in 1983, the series was well liked, and accepted in the spirit in which it was made, concentrating on the 3 boys and their struggle for survival on a remote Pacific island. The series omits the more controversial aspects of the book such as, dealings with 'primitive savages, pirates and Christian missionary's, which apart from upsetting the 1983 PC brigade (yep, they were around even back then!), would have cost a bloody fortune to make! Instead the production team used a cast of 5 for the whole series (3 of those being the boys), and plonked them on a real desert island off the coast of Australia.
The story starts with the 3 lads, Jack, Peterkin and Ralph (played by Herr Flick from Allo Allo), rowing to a desert island as the sole survivors of a shipwreck. Ralph is posh and the other 2 are low class oiks. As you can imagine Jack and Peterkin hate the sight of Ralph and call him 'Snotty'. This situation only changes when all three have to rely on each others skills and intelligence to get by. By the end all 3 have conquered the environment they have made home, and are predictably rescued at the end.
This was probably the last chance a series like this could have been made. To begin with, a modern audience would be too obsessed with the possible homosexual undertones of  3 boys on an island. Also a remake would be forced to include a girl and a black character as two thirds of the mix to satisfy 21st century values. Sadly it's unlikely The Coral Island will ever be repeated on British TV for the above reasons, but the moral of the story is a good one, dealing with the finer aspects of humanity, cooperation, friendship, team work, inner strength and the breaking down of class barriers.