The Famous Five (1978) Southern (ITV)

"We are the famous five, Julie, Dick and Anne, George and Timmy the dog!

What a series!! ............well, it was okay I suppose if you liked your favourite middle class twats in 1970s flared trousers!
The series has a soft spot for me, because I was in the fan club, and I also had a big 11 year old crush on the girl playing Anne (well I didn't have much choice within that group really!)......In fact my first girlfriend..at the rather late age of 16...was an Anne lookalike called Natalia, who was a posh bit of skirt from the knob end part of town.
The Famous Five was pretty good in its day and was incredibly popular on the International market, being sold to over 17 countries. My big problem with it was the night scenes, which were filmed using a blue screen, which made everything incredibly difficult to see, so much so, that I generally closed my eyes to get a better feel of what the hell was happening!
There were plenty of household names during its 2 series run from 1978-79, such as  Patrick Troughton, Cyril Luckham, Brenda Cowling, Geoffrey Bayldon, Brian Glover, Ronald Fraser and an early appearance by Rupert Graves. The plots were taken straight from the Enid Blyton books, but as mentioned earlier, with a 70s feel.. In the mid 1990s a new Famous Five series was commissioned, which I tried to watch, and although the production was far better, I personally couldn't stand the programme due to that fucking whore, Jemima Rooper playing the part of George!

Tarzan (1932-1948) MGM / RKO (ITV & BBC)

A Tarzan poster from 1934

1. Tarzan the Ape Man (1932)
2. Tarzan and His Mate (1934)
3. Tarzan Escapes (1936)
4. Tarzan Finds a Son! (1939)
5. Tarzan's Secret Treasure (1941)
6. Tarzan's New York Adventure (1942)
7. Tarzan Triumphs (1943)
8. Tarzan’s Desert Mystery (1943)
9. Tarzan and the Amazons (1945)
10. Tarzan and the Leopard Woman (1946)
11. Tarzan and the Huntress (1947)
12. Tarzan and the Mermaids (1948)

All of us forty somethings, will fondly remember those summer holiday breaks from school, at a time when no fucker actually went on holiday - No, we just sat around the house watching early morning TV. What did we love to watch the most?......Simples! - It was TARZAN!
But lets clear up any confusion here, it wasn't just any Tarzan, oh no! We were very particular, we said NO! to Ron Ely's 1960's Tarzan, with irritating sidekick 'Jai', and we voted with our feet when Lex Barker's Tarzan made and appearance. There was only ONE Tarzan for us, and that was Johnny (Aaaaaaaaaaaaah-ahhhhh-aaaaah-aaaahhhh!) Weissmuller! He was the ONLY Tarzan we would accept....I repeat, the ONLY! (and you can't kid the kids! - unless you are Jonathan King, Gary Glitter or Jimmy Savile!)
Weissmuller was an Olympic swimmer of German origin, who first took on the mantle of our favourite loin cloth wearing, vine swinging, elephant calling, crocodile fighting hero back in 1932, in Tarzan, The Ape Man. This film was a smash when it was released and launched an MGM (later RKO) franchise, which would feature the swimming star in a total of 12 films. Part of the charm of these films was the inclusion Tarzan's loyal (and lovely!) jungle partner, Jane (beautifully played by Maureen O'Sullivan in the first 6 films). This addition made the series appeal not only to my younger sister (who loved the jungle tree house) but also to my dad (no doubt admiring Jane's semi-naked swimming antics!). Cheeta, Tarzan's face-pulling chimp, was also a fantastic character who brought extra magic to the eccentric domesticity of the films. By the third film, Tarzan Finds A Son, 'Boy' entered the equation after his parents perish in a jungle plane crash. Tarzan and Jane adopt Boy, and his participation in the series usually involved Tarzan helping the over-curious minor out of various sticky situations.
When I first started watching the films back in the mid 70's, all 12 would be shown on a Monday to Friday schedule over 3 weeks (followed by the dire, Lex Barker films), but by the early 1980's only the final 9 were screened. 1982 was the start of the Tarzan backlash, the first 3 films were deemed too violent and too sexual for kids during this summer holiday. (It should be mentioned that most of the Tarzan books were written as sexual titillation, for teenage boys by Edgar Rice Burroughs). But this wasn't the end of it, there were now voices questioning what Tarzan represented. Suggesting the Weissmuller portrayal of Tarzan - King of The Jungle, is white supremacist. The depiction of black characters in the films were also seen as derogatory and offensive (Blacks were usually portrayed negatively, from cannibalistic bloodthirsty natives, to cowardly porters working for white hunters). This criticism is unfair, as film makers during this time only catered for the target audience, and the audiences were white! They are not deliberately offensive and by the time RKO took over the franchise in 1943, the black characters were replaced by Sub-Saharan white tribes! But even these later, less offensive Tarzan films were dropped by both ITV and the BBC by 1985. It was the end of an era. I was in the world of the working by this time, but I was painfully aware that familiar things were changing. The mid 80's were a time of contrasts, there was some good stuff  happening and some bad, but the loss of the Tarzan films from the summer holiday playlist was a tragic sign of the times!

Cheeta, Boy, Jane & Tarzan

The films have to be broken into 2 distinct groups, the MGM films and the RKO films. The MGM films were made with a higher budget for an older audience, and most follow a storyline which involves Jane's friends visiting, and later getting captured by savage tribes while looking for 'The Elephants Graveyard' or trying to kidnap Tarzan or Boy. The films then end with Tarzan gathering his elephant friends to stampede the hostile native village, evict the humiliated white hunters and return the status quo.
The RKO films were made with a lower budget and are aimed more at a younger audience, there are no more black natives and the adventures are set in more exotic locations. These films don't feature Jane (this absence is usually explained by her 'raising funds for the war effort' - America having now entered the war!)
Tarzan is much fatter in the later RKO films and this led to his being replaced by Lex Barker, after Tarzan & The Mermaids in 1948.
All the Tarzan films are a joy to watch, they contain all the essential ingredients needed to keep children of all ages entertained. They have great plots, comedy, tension, lots of action and appeal to all ages and genders. The 12 films cover a number of crazy adventures, including Tarzan's Crocodile Dundee type trip to New York, to rescue Boy, battling the Nazi's, in Tarzan Triumphs, defeating sacrificial sects in Tarzan and The Leopard Woman and fighting a giant spider in Tarzan's Desert Adventure. The early films are gripping and fast paced, whilst the later films are great examples of escapist fantasy. I love the Tarzan films, and although you can buy the entire collection in a lavish DVD / Blu-ray box set, I feel sad that kids today don't have that unity which we experienced in the 70's and 80's, courtesy of having only 3 TV channels.

The Coral Island (1983) Thames / ABC ( ITV)

Peterkin and Jack

The Coral Island was written by R. M. Ballantyne in 1858, and remained a popular boys adventure story for almost a century. However by the 1960's, some of the books values had become dated, its Imperialistic and Christian messages having no place in the post Suez world. So when Thames TV and the Australian Broadcasting Corporation decided to make a kids TV mini series based on the story, in 1983, it may have struck some as an unwelcome throwback to the days of Empire. But this was not quite the case. It's easy for us sitting here in 2014 to mock, but things were very different in 1983, the series was well liked, and accepted in the spirit in which it was made, concentrating on the 3 boys and their struggle for survival on a remote Pacific island. The series omits the more controversial aspects of the book such as, dealings with 'primitive savages, pirates and Christian missionary's, which apart from upsetting the 1983 PC brigade (yep, they were around even back then!), would have cost a bloody fortune to make! Instead the production team used a cast of 5 for the whole series (3 of those being the boys), and plonked them on a real desert island off the coast of Australia.
The story starts with the 3 lads, Jack, Peterkin and Ralph (played by Herr Flick from Allo Allo), rowing to a desert island as the sole survivors of a shipwreck. Ralph is posh and the other 2 are low class oiks. As you can imagine Jack and Peterkin hate the sight of Ralph and call him 'Snotty'. This situation only changes when all three have to rely on each others skills and intelligence to get by. By the end all 3 have conquered the environment they have made home, and are predictably rescued at the end.
This was probably the last chance a series like this could have been made. To begin with, a modern audience would be too obsessed with the possible homosexual undertones of  3 boys on an island. Also a remake would be forced to include a girl and a black character as two thirds of the mix to satisfy 21st century values. Sadly it's unlikely The Coral Island will ever be repeated on British TV for the above reasons, but the moral of the story is a good one, dealing with the finer aspects of humanity, cooperation, friendship, team work, inner strength and the breaking down of class barriers.

Midnight Is A Place (1977) Southern (ITV)

Midnight Is A Place

Midnight Is A Place, written by Joan Aiken, was, I am proud to say, adapted for TV by my local network, Southern (who also made the fantastic, Worzel Gummidge)
The series set during the Industrial Revolution, in the fictitious mill town of Blastburn, was about two snotty children Lucas Bell and Anne Marie, who are the wards of a cantankerously unloving uncle, Sir Randolph Grimsby. The uncle owns a rug factory that has the typically brutal working conditions of the time where both poor adult and child labourers have to survive. Life is hardly perfect, but things take a turn for the worst when the Uncle, maddened by the fear of bill and tax collectors, sets fire to his own home to prevent its seizure and is burnt to a crisp in the process, all good so far! This leaves the children with no home or guardian. But they are helped by their former tutor, Julian Oakapple (played convincingly by Brighton actor David Collings), who although badly injured in the blaze, helps the children as best he can throughout the 13 episode series. After the fire the 3 escape into the woods ).  After resting at a makeshift camp the kids take Oakapple to convalesce in a room of a friendly employee and journey off to find work, which leads them into a world of child labour and sinister characters. The two struggle to survive on the streets of London (yeah I know, the horror of our heroes being exposed to the working classes!), where they endure the hardships of making a living, as they attempt to regain their birthright. The two leads meet a host of helpful and not so helpful characters on their rite of passage. Anne Marie, has a dalliance with a working class lad, but this so called romance goes nowhere, and fades without so much as even a grope to be had!  After many hardships the kids make contact with Lady Murgatroyd, a delightful character that comes across as a sort of fairy godmother to the story. The familiar British cast also included, Avis Bunnage as the Inn keeper Kezia Tetley, Robert Gillespie as Mr Smallside, Ron Moody as the mad Tom Gudgeon and that bird out of Upstairs Downstairs who always got a bollocking from Mrs Bridges!
Eventually our young heroes triumph, win back the mill and set to work making factory conditions better for all, by introducing extended lunch breaks, vending machines, minimum wage, union representation, 4 weeks paid annual holiday and soft toilet rolls. All good clean fun, and a satisfying conclusion.
I remember enjoying the series and feeling totally engrossed by it, the fire scene at the mansion is as gripping as kids TV can get, and the two lead characters were great, but on the downside there are too many shouty, hammy, over the top performances, the mutton chop sideburns on some of the actors have to be seen to be believed, the theme song is a bit tedious and Bob Bludward's heart attack scene is so roaringly crap, it would finish anyone's acting career overnight!
The series is available on DVD, but it should be remade, with a better cast and condensed plot, to cut out all the bullshit, but I loved the series and it's a shame that kids TV is not up to this standard today!

* Simon Gipps-Kent who played the lead role as Lucas Bell was found dead in sinister circumstances at his London flat in 1987, the coroner reported morphine poisoning, however many conspiracy theory's have since come to light, but here is not the right place for that kind of thing, if you want to know more, search the internet!  

Sir Randolph goes bananas!

Click here to check out 'Midnight is a Place'

The Further Adventures of Oliver Twist (1980) ATV (ITV)

Sorry-just the book...erm NOVEL!!

A sequel to eclipse 'The Empire Strikes Back', The Further Adventures of Oliver Twist (or TFAOT to mega fans) was, to be fair, a Tour De Force in the world of children's TV back in the dawn of the 80's. I for one must admit charging home from school to see this!
 The plot as I remember it, involves Oliver being sent to a dodgy school after Mr Brownlow gets ill, and meeting Jack Dawkins, the artful dodger, who has been rehabilitated by a country vicar. The headmaster (who adds an entire tin of ham to the proceedings......"TWIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSST"!) is bribed by the evil Monks to put Oliver back onto the streets, (which he manages to do) so he can inherit the Brownlow millions. As soon as Oliver (and Jack) hit the streets, they start to bump into all the surviving characters from the original book (good and bad), Mr Bumble, Noah Claypole and FAGIN! (erm, forgive me, but wasn't Fagin executed in the original?). There are some new characters as well, mostly played by theatrical rejects that ATV probably hired for the price of an afternoon piss-up! Pauline Quirk is present in the series, playing her usual 'scrubber' type role, but the rest of the cast are non entities.
I must confess a sense of disappointment with the absence of Ron Moody in the Fagin role, considering he was all over kids TV during this period, and his inclusion would have elevated the series to the dizzy heights of TV gold!
I have to add special mention to the character, Mr Grimwig, whose ham acting would measure a 9.0 on the Richter Scale, with his "I'll eat my head" quote, closely followed by a head slap and a cloud of talcum powder sufficient to drive a ship onto the rocks!
Over 13 episodes the cat and mouse story moves to its inevitable happy conclusion, blah blah Oliver saves Brownlow, blah blah Oliver exposes Monks. But what more would you expect at 4.15 on a Wednesday afternoon, Oliver getting buggered by sex crazed dockers and sold into slavery?, No sir, you would not!
Apart from John Lennon's death and Hot Gossip fuelling my masturbatory imagination, this is the only thing I remember about 1980, and that's not such a bad thing, I mean what 25 year old today could boast of such childhood variety from the year 2000?
The tragedy of this series, is that it seems to be completely lost, it was never repeated (maybe because ATV had a hissy fit when they lost their franchise in 1982), and you can't buy it on VHS, let alone DVD or Blu-ray! I can only guess the reason behind this, is that the moral of the story is dated or non PC. There were a lot of children's series made during the 70's and 80's that implied the worst thing that could happen in Victorian England, was to be working class..HEAVEN FORBID!, and the stories usually ended with the junior heroes being elevated once more to middle class domesticity (I mean, hang on, being working class wasn't all about typhoid and going up chimneys - it probably had its fun moments too!).
Rose-tinted specs have blinkered my memories of this show and I suppose if I had to watch these episodes again, I would cringe at the shockingly bad acting levels and awful plot. At the time of its release, the series was popular enough to get it's own cartoon strip in Look-In magazine. But so far as children's TV goes, it was quickly forgotten. Maybe this is in part to do with the shabby way ITV cherry-picks its history, unlike their BBC rivals, but I find it disturbing how bollocks like 'The Cedar Tree' and 'By The Sword Divided' can be released on DVD while entertaining stuff like 'TFAOT', and 'Murphy's Mob' have been confined to the trash can of TV history!

Look-In (1980)

The Cedar Tree (1976) ATV (ITV)

The Cedar Tree...bargain basement Downton Abbey!

This outrageous show was aired about 3.30pm in the afternoon (during 1976) It was about a toffee nosed family in the 1930’s, totally studio bound and wooden acting a-plenty. I remember this drivel mostly cos my evil Granny came over every weekday in the afternoon and demanded the run of the TV until at least 4.15pm (and then after 5.05pm so she could check in at the Crossroads Motel..that's another story!) So although people remember the 70’s in a dewy eyed nostalgic way, I can tell you there was no end to the shit we had to put up with in the afternoon, Love Boat, Houseparty, Emmerdale Farm (before it got raunchy and was aired at a granny pleasing 3.30pm) and usually some low budget quiz show like Mr & Mrs (which offered prizes of up to $75..EEK!!). Times were hard, and I wasn't....hard enough to deal with my nan that is! But getting back to the subject, The Cedar Tree, was at best a poor relation to Upstairs Downstairs (without the downstairs action!) and at worst the sort of crap you would be forced to watch at your local fleapit theatre when your elderly aunts come over for a free holiday in July! (you know the sort of thing, ‘THE BUTLER TAKES NO SUGAR’ - A murder mystery, by some upper class prick that has been dead since 1950, even though no-one noticed except the queer coke head that revived it instead of leaving it buried, and scraping around for a suitable cast of Z-Listers, 'PAUL NICHOLAS - FROM TVs ‘JUST GOOD FRIENDS’ (to prove the fucker did once have a television career!) Anyhow, got that off my chest! But seriously folks, a typical story line would involve the Poundland lord of the Manor pacing up and down, grumbling about his snotty daughter who had fallen for an American oil man who had all the money but not much class (maybe a big cock though!) and then there was the old bitch, she was like the half dead version of the Dowager Lady Grantham, but she really did look dead, and it’s a pity, coz in her prime she could have out acted any one of the wooden cast. I remember the last episode ever, there was storm and the fucking cedar tree fell down and landed on the house, can’t remember if anyone died, but I died-laughing! ('BBC sound effects album no.64 - Tree’s falling onto big houses’) Don’t let me spoil the plot for you, go out and buy it on DVD or Blu-ray, Ooops sorry tough luck (or good luck) the show isn't available on anything, it was probably buried in the centre of the earth with a bit of luck!
* (Tragically I have since found out that the entire collection IS available on DVD)